Todays blog is purely personal and about looking back and diving into different reflections of my life and the changes I have made, to take a major leap of faith at chasing my dreams and staying true to the things I love bye-just being me and having to deal with the moments in life and the things that I would like to call the WTF?? moments that we all tend to go through.So for all my readers out there here goes.... this is the first of many personal blogs I will be sharing through my site as I've now decided to not only blog about things that are inspirational but also the things I find are real.
My day today started relatively normal but now I sit reflecting upon what has happened today at 1130 pm at night and the challenges that I have faced today thus far. I've decided to blog about it as I sit here and fight the parallels of internet problems, computer glitches,mastering of tracks that have completely gone south for some unknown reason, missing the bus, forgetting my lunch and my wallet today and every thing else that life has decided to throw at me today that totally sucks, some would say that I'm balls deep in shit right now and I'm about to down 100 cups of the strongest coffee I have and cram in an all nighter to redo assignments -that I have over analysed and completely overworked (I have to laugh at myself for being somewhat of two much of a perfectionist and really need to simplify things some times) and also including having to remaster and edit tracks that I've just spend the last 12 hours on mastering, editing and working on in class only to come home sit down at my computer and load the files into my Logic Pro DAWS software and be told bye my brand new Mac book Air that the file has been corrupted and over loaded my system to the point wear the song now has pops, clicks and massive distortion in it.
Omg Omg Omg.... What have I done?
Now normally I'm a very placid and humble person who doesn't believe in trolling or making the life's of people hard bye putting them done or slandering them, but this is the first time- that as a full time artistic creator and producer that my day has seem to have gone up SHIP creek with out a paddle in a long time as life has been amazingly great for me nowadays (please pardon my French) but I feel for this blog to be personal and for myself to be able share a moment of real reflection with my readers, I beleive that honesty is always the best policy.
I have aways felt that in life I was never really ever being true to my artist self and I always believed that there was more to life then just waking up and working for the man and becoming part of a society that is in what I call in stuck in an educated natural drone mode.Because after all, I believe that from the very first day that we are brought into the world we are groomed and educated to a certain standard of being- because apparently thats how our society is and thats how things work.
I was the type of kid who never ever went with out having anymore then I ever needed or wanted in life .I was the type of kid who grew up with out social media and spent all my days in the back yard kicking a footy around riding my horse or my bike and having fun laughing or chilling with my mates.
I always had a solid foundation at home (that wasn't completely normal) but I was always given the normal things that all kids require and then some. One of my biggest inspirations growing up in life was my mother who has now passed and is still with me if only in spirit (Mumzie 1955-2011).
She always did her best to work hard and give me the main things I required in life such as ,food in my belly,clothes on my back,a roof over my head ,a good eduction, encouragement to be involved in music and sports and all things recreational and loads of warm hugs when I needed them the most.There are many moments in my life when I realise that my mum on so many levels was so right about so many things that I never took note of until this part of my life journy.
Unfortunately though my life time so far, there were some people who would have given me less guidance throughout my life that I would find later on in life that in fact those influencers would have influenced me in my choices that I have made in bad ways and that only now I would consider were the wrong choices to make , please don't think that I blame them personally I have learnt to take the responsibility for my own choices and where those choices in life whole heartedly lead me down certain parts of self destruction in my lifetime, but I always sit here and wonder as to whether or not I would have made certain choices differently if I hadn't of been so highly influenced bye there choices and the lifestyles of the adults that raised me had chosen to live, meaning the reflection of some peoples so called values and morals in my life had reflected on me and some of the worst choices and decisions that I personally have made leading me only too find myself winding up in bad places,enviroments and collectively what I would have called putting myself in to self destruction mode with no disregard for the things I did or the people I hurt along the way, I THANK GOD EVERY DAY THAT I BROKE FREE FROM THE PAIN AND THE CYCLES OF ABUSE,NEGLECTION AND DRUG AND ALCOHOL ABUSE!!!! AND I am also very thankful for the amazing people I've met on this journey that had inspired me and helped me along the way to become better, faster, stronger and humble in my choices.
I guess what I'm trying to say that once upon a time I was they type of person who couldn't handle a bad day or stress in life so I would make bad choices that led myself too being completely incapable of being able to lead a normal life as I was finding abusive and self destructive patterns to choose to live my life with, instead of just being the capable strong person I am today and dealing with my life problems in a positive way.
Once upon I time I suffered from major addiction problems such as drug and alcohol abuse (proud to say I've been clean and sober for 4 years now and I pat myself on the back for that everyday).As well as diving into these categories and wearing my heart on my sleeve I thought a personal moment of reflection and maybe some story telling with my readers might share some in-site as to how far I've come and these particular moments and choices that I've made that now help me to revolve my life around that fact that I'm proud to say that after years of abuse I have constructively over come these addictions with pride and advengence and can openly share my story with people in the hope that if they too are struggling with addiction,abuse,anxiety,pain,suicidal thoughts or trauma it may help to shed some light for them and help them to reach out to artistic creators like my self for advice and ask for help.After all why live in a world where we can help and inspire instead or troll, torture,bully and abuse the people we love or the people that society view as being bogans,addicts,assholes and much more.
So a little bit about how I deal with the negativity and the bad days I have in my days.
1. Taking long walks down the beach always helps me clear my thoughts and my mind.
2. General exercise and good nutrition is definitely a major key to sustaining a healthy lifestyle.
3. When I feel sad and lonely I reach out to people that I love and wish to inspire and talk to them about these emotions and down moments that I am feeling.
4. I find that being an educated person and reading also helps to calm my mind and relieve the stress of what has got me stuck and I'm enjoying my days more and more at uni, the learning curve is amazing and the teachers and artistic creators and musicians I'm learning from along the way are also what I like to call amazing humble and inspiring people.
5. I never turn to social media as an out let to vent or troll people and although some of my readers may think hold up wait a minute, I'm doing it right now, please note that I'm sharing some personal reflection here I feel at this moment in my life and that I'm not here to take a stab at the world but more so I feel that I'm actually ready to have the courage and the power to be able to somewhat give my followers and readers some insight too me as a person and what drives me and the make up of who I am as an artistic creator and artistic producer of music and electronic dance music.
6. MAKING MUSIC is defiantly one of my biggest inspirations in life and without the resources and knowledge I have gained from doing my creatives life work.I beleive I would have really continued to struggle with these abusive and dangerous habits I once had. Music has always been my biggest muse.
7. Meditation and yoga
8.Speaking and spending time with my two biggest inspirations in my life (They are 19 and 13) but we will come back to that later as personally I feel I'm not ready to share to much about children with the world yet and as a mum and an artist would like to keep this part of my life private for now, eventually I think I can share some amazing moments with everyone about how my children have help me grow as a mum and as someone who is totally inspired bye there creativity and the amazing capabilities to be able to live there lives they way they choose to, with the help and the guidance of some amazing people including myself.
8.Being inspired and remembering memories from the good times in my life from people whom I have been blessed enough to meet along the way and be inspired by to change my lifestyle for the better and step out of my comfort zone and share something I think is truely cool with the world when I produce my sounds.
Somedays I feel the need to shuffle through life with the power to be positive and try and share that positive energy to the world.I know that if I believe in myself enough now to want to encourage people to keep on pushing on through their life's pain and drams and if my music that I produce can help people find a way through those tough times and the pain associated with life, well then simply put my job is done.I honestly feel that it is super cool to be recognised as an artist weather it be in a small scale or a large scale, but the purpose of my music is not to seek fame or money or power or fortune and I sure as hell ain't gonna kill anyone to achieve that all though some days I feel I need to take a step back and remind myself I ain't no serial killer even though I have absolutely killed a bowl of coco pops or a vegemite sandwich at the best of times hahahahah.....
Personally i think that I come to far to release any more pain into this world and if anything if you choose to THINK DIFFERENT like the dreamers do then I believe you are here to help change the world to make it a better place and not to destroy it. Sometimes the world would be a better place if we all shared compassion, caring, guidance and understanding and helped those who are unfortunate and lost in the madness of there own minds and self destruction abuse. In saying this I leave you with a quote from another person that has always inspired me through his amazing vision of wanting to change the world by saying
Its the crazy one's who believed there crazy enough to change the world so they do''STEVE JOBS'' founder and creator of apple.
Enjoy ya days guys and I hope every one finds inspiration, good vibes and positive moments in everything that do till next time.
xxx DJCandyApple.